Where Am I?

At the 7th anniversary of a Christian fellowship I attended on February 26th, the speaker posted this question: "Where are you in your walk with the Lord?"

That was two weeks ago and the question still lingers. Last night, I went home asking where am I in my life in general? The recent death of a cousin has got me all thinking about my own life, how I've been living it. Am I making a difference? Am I moving towards God's purpose? Have I established meaningful relationships? What will people say about me when I die? Why am I hurting just by writing down these questions?

Maybe I'm hurting because I know I haven't done anything to answer those questions. Yes, I might have done small things to live life in a good way, to say the least, but honestly, I don't think I'm living life fully. Because otherwise, I wouldn't have to feel this way.

That night at the fellowship, I remember myself crying out to God, silently, almost begging... "Lord I don't really know where am I in my walk with you... I think I've already forgotten to dream, scared that once more, my dreams will cause me pain, not happiness... Please give me a new set of dreams... Just something to get back on, something to fuel my soul everyday... something to make me feel alive... something that will be worthy, for you and for this world..." This prayer still echoes in the deep recesses of my heart.