When our Most Cherished Prayer was Answered

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE | DAY 1

This is a testimony I'll be forever grateful for. This didn't happen in 2016 but I'm including it as a prelude to all the other things I'm grateful for this year.

In my quest to chronicle my mommyhood and to document my gratitude about it, here is the testimony I shared one Sunday in church in August 2015, a few weeks after we learned we were pregnant. If you come across this online space of mine and is in the trying-to-conceive-but-none-seems-to-be-working season, my encouragement for you is to strengthen yourself in the Lord. Easier said than done, I know. But God is the strength of your heart and your portion forever. Knowing His heart through it all is the greatest reward of all. I may not have waited as long as you have, but I waited just the same, I was frustrated just the same, I lost heart just the same. Hang in there sweet sister.

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Good morning church. As some of you have known, Rolando and I had been trying for a baby in the past two years. When we got married in June 2012, we had our own timeline plotted out: work hard, save up and travel on the first year; have a baby on the second year, and so on. We thought we had an amazing plan and we could manoeuvre into our own timeline with very little detours.  However, the Lord has a completely different timeline for us.

Trying to conceive (TTC) had been a worrying season for us. Just as when we started praying and trying for a baby, a strange thing happened to my menstrual cycle. (I have to note that I didn't take any birth control pills or any other medication for this matter). I had a regular menstrual cycle the past 3 decades of my life, i.e. 30 days. But when we started "trying", it went completely off. There were months I'd have cycles as long as 41 days, giving me false hopes that I might be pregnant. Other months I'd have cycles as short as 26 days accompanied with migraine and nausea. For the past two years of trying, no two months registered the same cycle. It changed from month to month which also made the monitoring of ovulation extremely difficult and stressful for us. 

I am a worrier, admittedly and this situation did not just worry me, it scared me. The fear of infertility was so real I could almost sense its overwhelming power to steal joy in my heart as years added to our marriage. 

After a year of trying, we did what most TTC couples would normally to---we had some medical tests done.  Since I was the one having irregular menstrual cycle, we thought something must be off with my hormones or heaven forbid, my reproductive system. We prayed against it but for practicality, I underwent some tests to ease our minds. I went for a complete pelvic scan, the result was normal. I was assured I was perfectly fine. I went for a pap smear to rule out PCOS and by God's grace, that too, was normal. And finally to rule out annovulation or the case of not ovulating, I had an extensive blood test to check my hormones. And that too was again normal. Stress wasn't a big factor because I previously had a job where I'd have sleepless nights and yet, my menstrual cycle remained normal. I am currently working on a less stressful role, so I couldn't say I'm stressed out, work wise. 

These tests offered us some relief but still my heart kept worrying and wandering. Somehow, I thought if there was something wrong with me, at least we would know the course of action to take, we could at least control the outcome. Waiting just doesn't suit me well. 

When we've exhausted all the possible tests we could at least afford, Rolando lovingly told me to just give it some rest, that since every test I took resulted to normal, then maybe it is just God's timing we should wait for. The Lord is the only Giver of life so He is the only One who knows when to give it, my loving husband comforted me. 

Still the same situation persisted---we were not getting pregnant. As months rolled by to years, I found myself getting more anxious than ever.  The past six moths were especially difficult for us. There are days when I had my period that I'd just cry myself to sleep. But it was also during these past six months when I found immeasurable comfort in God's words. When worry filled my heart, I would just open the bible and read the stories of Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel, over and over again. These three generations of women waited years, decades even, to conceive their first child. 

Sometimes my worry would be age related. I would worry that maybe it was hard for us because we were already in our 30s (and believe me, a lot of people told us the same thing). It hurt by the way, but I was reminded when the Lord told Sarah when she was doubting she'd ever have a child at an old age, "Is there anything too hard for the Lord?"

And in my quiet time with the Lord, I asked the same question, "Is there anything too hard for the Lord Lai?"  The answer is none. This is the God who created the universe that we are talking about.

So I tried my very best to hold on to these words and to the truth that when God maybe allowed us to marry a little late, He will take care of our biological clocks as well. The Lord has also taught us to nurture our marriage in love, and strengthen it while there's just the two of us. I thank the Lord because He blessed me with a very loving and patient other half. 

On the night of our third year wedding anniversary, the 30th of June 2015, we were in a bus enroute to Rolando's parents in the northern part of the Philippines. During the trip, the thought of us still not having a baby overwhelmingly pained my heart and I wondered how long would God let us wait. Individually, whilst sitting next to each other, we read our bibles for comfort. I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel and after reading, I just cried and cried. In the bus full of people mind you, including Rolando's parents. 

I felt so much like Hannah. Right then and there, in a moving bus, I just poured out my heart and soul to God like I never did before. After praying and bawling my eyes out, I felt a sense of peace that surpassed understanding. And just like Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:18, I felt radiant too and wasn't downcast anymore. 

I showed Rolando the verse which I felt the Lord speaking to me so powerfully at that time. It was 1 Samuel 1:27:

"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."

I told Rolando I'd hold on to that verse. We hugged and we prayed, asking God once more to bless us a child; we told the Lord how excited we were to become parents. 

We were in Hong Kong two weeks after when I realized it's already 45 days past my last period. This was the longest so far, and although it scared me, it excited me more than I feared. I was eager to do the pregnancy test in Hong Kong but Rolando asked me to just do it in Ireland because if the result was negative I might get depressed in front of my family. 

Three weeks after the crying-in-the-bus incident, we were back in Ireland. The first morning we were back at home, on the morning of the 20th of July 2015, at half-four in the morning, I woke up with unexplainable excitement and joy, uttered a little prayer and bravely took the pregnancy test. 

Three minutes later, I took a deep breath and peeked at the Pregnancy Kit. The result was there staring at me decidedly---PREGNANT! I screamed at the top of my lungs which of course woke up Rolando. I gingerly showed him the kit and we just hugged and laughed and cried, all at the same time!

The morning of the 20th of July 2015 in our apartment in Ireland, forgive the unwashed face :)

We went to the GP later in the morning to confirm the result. My doctor smiled and declared, "Well I got two positive lines, you are indeed pregnant!" These words were like music to my ears!

Little did I know, when I was crying and pouring my heart out to God in a moving bus, on our third year wedding anniversary, the Lord has already answered our most cherished prayer. That a baby has already been conceived in my womb!

So now I stand in front of you to declare God's goodness and unfailing love and to thank the Lord for answering our two years worth of prayer, tears and hope. We didn't exactly found out what's wrong with my extremely irregular periods but the Lord has used that mightily to draw us closer to Him while we waited for a child.

I am now 9 weeks pregnant and praise God, last week we saw our baby's heartbeat for the first time. To God be all the glory!

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