I experienced something that I should really really be ashamed of this morning! Gosh, it hurts to remember bits of it, but I think writing this down means I'm acknowledging that I'm struggling with laziness at work. The truth hurts, yes it does. But I want the truth to set me free. Just like a bitter pill, I must swallow it so it'll be able to work its way through my system and cure whatever it is that causes the problem.
So dear God, help me as I pen my realizations from this morning's case.
First, I am sorry God. I know I made a promise early this year that I'll make it a goal to pursue pleasing You. But that has not been evident in my marketplace, in my working world because for most part, I've been lazy. Instead of starting my work early, I easily fall into chats, into facebooking, into eating. That for most part, I have not been rendering good 8 hours for the last seven years of my working life.
This morning's event made me realize my mistake. It was shameful for me to be caught facebooking very early in the morning by my boss. I know in this office, it's okay to do such, so long as you're delivering the work. But that's the point, I know I can always deliver what is required of me, so I tend to delay things/ reports that are required of me. And when asked to do some more work, I tend to be overly defensive, relaying some false impressions that I've been doing a lot when in fact, I can do more had I finish the work earlier, had I concentrated more in doing my work faithfully. I could've contributed more.
As I was swallowing this bitter pill this morning, I resorted to cleaning my room and was utterly frustrated and angry at myself. I was asking myself: "How can I progress in God's kingdom If I continue to be like this? How can God entrust me more? Why am I like this? Lord, why?"
Then it dawned on me that I've been disconnected in God's will for my working life. I've been totally dependent in my own skill, in my own strength. That this laziness at work is my way of wrestling with God, is my way of rebellion for not giving me the job that I really really wanted. I've been lazy because I'm in this comfort zone I created for myself. I'm in this dead-end, a cul de sac.
I googled: What does the bible say about laziness? Surprisingly, the bible has a lot to say, as this site explains.
