Colorful Sunrises of Misamis

So I just came from Misamis from a one crazy work-related event I'd rather not discuss here. Let's focus on something beautiful from my trip, eh? The sunrises there were breath-taking, simply breath-taking. I spent two mornings walking up as early as I could to catch the sun waving hello to that part of the world. I guessed that's the reward I got from being dead tired from that event I hope to simply laugh about in years to come. More photos here. :)

Bukidnon, a Greenland of South

Surprise! Surprise! I passed by Bukidnon! I didn't know we were going to pass by this green land after our company activity in Misaims. Or maybe I just didn't really know my itinerary or I've forgotten my rusty Mindanao geography so I didn't have a clue that we were going to pass through Bukidnon on our land trip to Cotabato!

What can I say? Bukidnon is breath-taking! It's so green that I have to name it the Greenland of the South. I'd love to go back there someday, not as a mere passersby but as a tourist. I'd love to stay longer, breath in the fresh air for days and lavish my eyes with the green fields and hills! It will really do me good! I bet it will. 

Slowing down and breathing in Bukidnon's fresh air.

Told you it's green all over.

Sleeping Giant. These mountains look like a sleeping giant when viewed aerial... ~ trivia by our company driver;)

~ The hills are alive here ~

A simple reward

I've been traveling a great deal lately, albeit work-related. Just yesterday, I set foot in 3 different cities and navigated myself to 3 different airports in a span of 10 hours. For the first time in my life, I have known what being jet-lagged means. I felt hyper with all the caffeine I drank, groggy with all the transfers and when I checked in to my hotel, I felt so restless and sleepless despite the fact that I wanted to doze off so bad. 

But I love this part of my work. That I get to travel albeit locally. I've never been to Mindanao until this job so I'm taking it as an opportunity to see more of my own country. 

Last Friday, I and some officemates managed to escape work at 5 PM to climb a hill in Zamboanga City and watch the setting of the sun. I was told the sunsets uphill was lovely so I bugged my officemate to bring me there. The sun bid goodbye on our way uphill painting a warm reddish glow to the city. It didn't set where we expected it to so I had to find some ways to capture the lovely colors as a background.  

I don't mind traveling for work if at the end of the day, I will get a simple reward like this. :)

Oh Panglao!

This place is too beautiful for words so I'll let these photos tell you why. See for yourselves: :)

Saturday Morning

It's a Saturday morning. I'm having negative thoughts, again. Uhm, not exactly negatives, just thoughts on how my future will look like, more of worries I guess. Argggh, why does this feeling won't go away????

I know I've written here just two weeks ago that I should start using my energy to believe and not to worry. But alas, here I am again, falling to ungrounded worries. This hurts a lot, you know. It's like living in a bubble and wanting so bad to get out of that bubble so you can participate to a much grander world out there.

I guess, this is me again falling to insecurities. This is me again saying to myself: I don't look good enough, I don't earn enough, I don't see the world enough, I won't be loved enough. It's really an awful feeling that haunts me every now and then.

I do have faith that God is leading me into something. But these worries, these cruel, awful feeling, just stick themselves whenever they can. And my only relief so far is to cry and to beg God to please stick with me through this phase I'm going through.

Yes, yes. So much emotions on a Saturday morning. :(

We ♥ Bohol!!!

Oh yes we do!!! With it's white-sand beaches, its delicious food and its friendly people, we definitely loved our Bohol adventure. And we jumped our hearts out in front of the prestigious Bohol Beach Club in Panglao Island one cloudy afternoon to prove this point. It was so much fun choreographing the jumps, setting up the camera, practicing, laughing, executing, landing, then laughing again till our stomach ached and our eyes almost teared from laughing too hard, viewing the photos then doing the process all over again! In my estimate, we might have jumped over a hundred times! 

But oh it was sooooo much fun! I'd love to jump again for the camera as long as I could do it with these girls! 

Wasting Energy on Worry

I must admit, I'm a "worrier". The past months have been a testimony to that. I worry of my future, of not being able to fulfill my dream of working abroad and experiencing the world out there, of not getting a much higher paying job, of not being able to find the "right" one, of not being able to make a difference. It's rare lately not to find me crying or fighting a tear at night, when I'm alone in my room, unguarded. But last night was different. Last night was a blessing.

I was abusing the remote control of the TV in the guesthouse where I was staying (out of town assignment again) trying to tire my eyes, my mind and my soul so I could fall asleep without worrying and crying. My thumb stopped at channel 70 when I heard  exclaiming: "Do not use your energy to worry; Use your energy to believe." He got me then and I found myself still and taking in all the words he was saying.

He spoke after of so many powerful words about worry, fear and faith that pierced at my heart, breaking the rock of hurt and disappointments. He was right on. Why dwell on worries and fears? Why not trust in The One who has a control over everything? Why tire yourselves from worrying? Why don't we reverse the use of our energy: in believing, in keeping the faith. Why, instead of expecting the good things, we succumbed ourselves expecting the negatives?

We must expect that good things are going happen to us each day. We must expect that this is going to be a blessed year, a great year. We must expect that negative things will turn out to be good.

And why oh why, did it take me this long to realize all these? Or maybe I've been hearing these words already, in different forms, but had not exactly believe they were true because I was so filled up with worries and fears. But I was convicted last night. I knew God was speaking to me. He was asking me to let go of so much unfounded fears and worries. He was asking me to shift my focus to Him who is in control of it all.

So from hereon, I'm focusing my eyes on Him. Because I'm tired of worrying, I'm tired of letting worries get the best of me. I know I am special and I can offer something to this world. But I also know that I'm not in control, He is. And I know He'll be happy to see me walk in this new light.

I am finally starting to understand, Lord. :)

Just Another MRT ride

The sunset was oh so beautiful yesterday, did you notice? I was thankful for the first time to be standing inside the perpetually overloaded MRT! It's simply splendid to witness splashes of colors in the horizon after a busy working week! 

On another note, a lot of people may be wondering why I'm fond of photographing just about any thing. You see, I'm at this point in my life where I'm trying to be content wherever I am, whatever I have. I always think this year is a holding pattern for me. Last year was definitely the hardest year of my life ever and this year, I have this feeling that God just wants me to chill. Sure, there are lots and lots of days when I wish I was somewhere else, earning bigger, photographing the grander things in life. I still do cry a lot at night, unguarded. I'm still hurting for the "could-have-been thoughts". But since, I'm in a holding pattern, I better just be brave and see what these boring, limited, simple things have to offer. I may find beauty in them, I may not. The thing is, I just have to try. I may get my chance someday. 

And here are some photos along the busy EDSA:

You don't take a photograph...

Finally bought myself a camera necklace and had a fun time taking photos of it last weekend.  This one was taken in front of our house. That red bokeh there was actually my blouse hanging in the clothesline. I just love the summer afternoon light and the warmth it brings to photos. On where photography has taken me still surprises me most of the times. But I think I've fallen in love with it because it gave me a different perspective, a different lens to look at life, if I may put it that way. 

When I look at this photo, I remember my father sitting in his "kubo" and taking a siesta. I remember my nieces going about just outside the house playing with the other children in the neighbourhood. I remember just falling in love with the lemony light. Oh yep, photography made me feel cheesy and poetic like this. Like the quote says, we don't take photos, we borrow it, or to be specific, we just borrow moments. Because that afternoon and that moment weren't just mine. They too, belonged to others. 

Where Am I?

At the 7th anniversary of a Christian fellowship I attended on February 26th, the speaker posted this question: "Where are you in your walk with the Lord?"

That was two weeks ago and the question still lingers. Last night, I went home asking where am I in my life in general? The recent death of a cousin has got me all thinking about my own life, how I've been living it. Am I making a difference? Am I moving towards God's purpose? Have I established meaningful relationships? What will people say about me when I die? Why am I hurting just by writing down these questions?

Maybe I'm hurting because I know I haven't done anything to answer those questions. Yes, I might have done small things to live life in a good way, to say the least, but honestly, I don't think I'm living life fully. Because otherwise, I wouldn't have to feel this way.

That night at the fellowship, I remember myself crying out to God, silently, almost begging... "Lord I don't really know where am I in my walk with you... I think I've already forgotten to dream, scared that once more, my dreams will cause me pain, not happiness... Please give me a new set of dreams... Just something to get back on, something to fuel my soul everyday... something to make me feel alive... something that will be worthy, for you and for this world..." This prayer still echoes in the deep recesses of my heart.

Missing Teas and Talks

I miss chitchats with old friends over a cup of tea or coffee. I wonder where they are and if, like me, they too are stuck in the busyness of work. Probably. *Sigh. I'm just too overworked to ramble more. Out now, leaving you with this quote and photo:

"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. 

Now tell me about hundreds of things." 

~ Saki

Sentiments on my Birthday

Today is my 28th birthday! Yikes, I'm old! I just got home from my simple birthday dinner and know that I should blog about today ASAP. For it's already 10:30 PM.  I don't wanna miss out an entry on my special day although nothing really special happened during the day. The truth is: I am quite melancholic today.:(  And it showed in the photos taken two hours ago so I don't really wanna post them except for this one:

Those were my few guests (minus my brother and my nephew Paul who went to the car already) which may very well explain why I'm sad today. For one, neither one of my parents are here today (my Papa's in Casiguran and my Mama's in HK). My oldest brother is also working abroad. Although all of them called me early today to say their greetings, something is still missing.  I don't know why I haven't learned to get used to this set-up in my family (my Mama's been an OFW since I was eight years old).

Or perhaps, I couldn't help but compare this year's birthday to my 27th when more family members were present (my Papa included) and we spent two precious days at the beach. And I didn't have to work.  

Well, anyway, I didn't invite much, just few of friends whom I know would be available, although sad to say (again) that most of them didn't make it. Why oh why??? Hmmm... I guess this is another reality you have to deal with when you're growing older or nearing your 30s.  Either you classify your friends to (a) workaholics; (b) night-shift/midshift workers; and (c) already married and have more important things to do.

Moving on... I think despite today's sadness, I should gently pat myself on the back for knowing who I treasure. Because today, I honestly did not ponder on things that I don't have (work abroad, savings, err boyfriend, etc.) Yes, there are plenty of things that I miss out on life, that I wish I have, that I get insecured about. 

But still, I am thankful... for friends who remembered (through FB and SMS), for my new job, for family who stick through my mood swings, for talents that I've been gifted with, for being a recipient to God's amazing love and grace for 28 years. Most of the time, I just really need to practice having a grateful heart.

Thank you and I'm sorry Lord for today. Next year will be better right?

Simply Lai

Today, I re-created this site and promised to stick to this blog. I've been here since 2008 but have done most of my sporadic blogging in the past three years (2007 to 2009) in a now defunct site (Multiply). Time came when I wanted something new. I felt like I've outgrown them and just needed a new breathing space with all the major changes in my life that happened in the last part of 2009 which shook the best of me.

Can't think of any other name than Simply Lai. It's lousy. I knooooow. :) But I want to make things as simple as a blog's name, no complexities. In so many ways, I'm true to that title. I have simple wishes and desires at this stage in my life. I'm in the process of rebuilding dreams, learning to love myself again and reconnecting with God. I wish to keep this simple and sweet as days roll by.

I want to write again. I want a clean slate, a fresh start. We all want one right? So dear world, I'm back on my feet. Let's rrrrroooooll. This is me at 27, no make up, no blues. Can I just stop here?! :)