Wasting Energy on Worry

I must admit, I'm a "worrier". The past months have been a testimony to that. I worry of my future, of not being able to fulfill my dream of working abroad and experiencing the world out there, of not getting a much higher paying job, of not being able to find the "right" one, of not being able to make a difference. It's rare lately not to find me crying or fighting a tear at night, when I'm alone in my room, unguarded. But last night was different. Last night was a blessing.

I was abusing the remote control of the TV in the guesthouse where I was staying (out of town assignment again) trying to tire my eyes, my mind and my soul so I could fall asleep without worrying and crying. My thumb stopped at channel 70 when I heard  exclaiming: "Do not use your energy to worry; Use your energy to believe." He got me then and I found myself still and taking in all the words he was saying.

He spoke after of so many powerful words about worry, fear and faith that pierced at my heart, breaking the rock of hurt and disappointments. He was right on. Why dwell on worries and fears? Why not trust in The One who has a control over everything? Why tire yourselves from worrying? Why don't we reverse the use of our energy: in believing, in keeping the faith. Why, instead of expecting the good things, we succumbed ourselves expecting the negatives?

We must expect that good things are going happen to us each day. We must expect that this is going to be a blessed year, a great year. We must expect that negative things will turn out to be good.

And why oh why, did it take me this long to realize all these? Or maybe I've been hearing these words already, in different forms, but had not exactly believe they were true because I was so filled up with worries and fears. But I was convicted last night. I knew God was speaking to me. He was asking me to let go of so much unfounded fears and worries. He was asking me to shift my focus to Him who is in control of it all.

So from hereon, I'm focusing my eyes on Him. Because I'm tired of worrying, I'm tired of letting worries get the best of me. I know I am special and I can offer something to this world. But I also know that I'm not in control, He is. And I know He'll be happy to see me walk in this new light.

I am finally starting to understand, Lord. :)