Introvert on Interview

“So how do you classify yourself? Are you an introvert?” asked the interviewer.

“I was born introvert but I’m learning to be extrovert, so I think I’m in the middle” I said. Oh my gosh, is there a word “extrovert?” Pang Ms. Universe ba? Hahahaha. I don’t have any regrets with my answer. It’s the truth. I’m in the middle.

Another truth is: I hate interviews. I just don’t hate them, I dread them. I get nervous on interviews. I stutter, I ran out of words. But today is different. Today is the breakthrough.

I related yesterday that I would be interviewed today. Haven’t done this in one year plus so I was nervous as a freaking dog who just had its first shower in 10 months. Honestly folks, I think I did well. *blush*blush. But as I tweeted, “God’s will be done”… Of late, God has been imparting me to ask… So ask, I did. I asked to be able to answer all the questions excellently. I did not ask first to be accepted. I am now learning to be patient. Paisa-isa lang. Our hearts can only handle too much. First ask for grace to be able to pass through a difficult times, then God will clearly reveal to you what to do next.

There’s no use fearing things, bible says so 365 times! ;)

Blogging My Heart Out of My Sleeve

From now on, my simple goal for blogging will be as simple as: TO BLOG FROM THE HEART.

I learned from my D-group (bible study group) to just simply share from the heart. Most of the time, when sharing in a group, we have the tendency to filter what's inside our hearts, mainly because we are afraid of what others might think of us, or we are trying to build up what we want others to think of us. At least, that's the way for me.  But the point is, it's only when you really dig into your heart as if you are trying to get some water from a deep well, that you would really see the condition of your heart.

Our hearts are deceitful, says Jeremiah and I agree. The heart has this amazing capacity to be happy and to be lonely all at the same time. It really is crazy. That's why I want to write more as a practice for my ever confused heart. It has always been my prayer that God will expose my heart and clean it and thereafter, grant me a right heart... free from all the bondages of lies, selfishness and insecurities. So are you ready to see through my heart? :)

Blogging my heart out of my sleeve,
Lai

7th M♥nth

mishmash at the airport

At the airport. Sitting at the laptop section of NAIA 2 killing time before my flight. So many things have been going on in my mind. I really don't know what to say. I'm sad again. Maybe it's really sad going to places you really have no connections with or going to places exclusively  for work ONLY. I've always tried to infuse some cheerfulness in wherever I go, but it's just not working right now. Sigh. Ooops, boarding time. I have to drag myself to my gate now. :(

Running Away... Jonah Style

Running. Yes. I am in that phase, Jonah phase. Been running from God for the greater part of this week. It's crystal clear to me what He wants to me to do: Obey Him in all aspects of my life. Go to Nineveh, He said to Jonah. But Jonah didn't get it. I didn't get it.  I couldn't seem to follow, to obey, to abide, to surrender. So I kinda backstepped, slowly, intentionally... rationalizing that I still love Him as my God, but for a while, I needed some time for myself. Not Nineveh Lord, not yet. You see I'm afraid. It's too much for me. I want to go to Tarshish instead. It would really be great out there. Nineveh would be a battlefield, certainly.

So slowly in the past days, I reduced my prayer time which was from point A (prayer in the morning and evening) downgraded to point B (mere prayer of thanks for the food I had to eat). Then went back to some bad old habits. I literally just slept through the storm, just like Jonah, oblivious to the fact that God was nudging me through the storm, through these little annoyances in the office and relationship conflicts with family and friends. 

And now. I am in that ship. Afraid I'll be thrown sooner out there to the open sea. Only this time, I know it won't be the big old whale who is about to swallow me. It is Sunday today and I missed the Sunday Service.  I know I need to come to God, confess my sins and go on. It has always been like that. I know I've been saved since accepting Jesus as my personal Lord and saviour early this year. I know I will always sin... but I never thought running away from Him would hurt this much. The truth is I hate myself. Because I already know the truth. OBEY. But I've been disobeying, sinning over and over again. There's this dark side of me that I hate so much. Then a question, "Lord why do you love me again? Why?" Then comes the answer, "I loved Jonah eventhough he ran. I searched for him, endured his grumblings, forgave his disobedience. I've been loving all the Jonahs in the world and still do."

Finally, I'm tired of running.

Universal Studios, Singapore

I"m a big fan of theme parks, but I found this place a bit boring, maybe because it was raining and there were lots of people that we spent an hour in queue just for one ride. Sorry.:(  Bf and I had the same opinion, actually. But anyways, photos for you:

Some details ;)

Stuff ;)

Loved the castle, but didn't enjoy the show. :(

Candylicious, indeed!

6th M♥nth

YM and FB Status today:

2 dozens for the 6th. I thank God for roses. I thank God for you! :)

6th month. I can say nothing has changed that much, physically speaking. You are still in Ireland; I am still in the Philippines. To say that we have come so far is quite funny, really, especially that we are in a long distance relationship. :) But we've grown. God knows we've grown. And for that I am thankful. :)

6th month. We became "us". We met halfway in SG. We traveled. We said goodbye again. We made sacrifices. We fought over silly things. We forgave. We rebuked each other. We prayed. We wrote dreams. Some of them came true, some have not.

As in the past monthsaries, I thank God for you mahal. :)

Hillsong's Aftermath Concert!

June 2, 2011 was a dream come true: to be singing my heart out loud for God, to be with fellow Christians, to just cry out in worship, to surrender my life completely, even for one night, even for two good hours, to buy a Hillsong's T-shirts for me and bf. :)

I missed last year's concert and it had been my dream early this year to go this year, no matter what. So I added them on FB, became a fan and waited patiently for the announcement of MANILA Concert!

Struggling with Laziness

I experienced something that I should really really be ashamed of this morning! Gosh, it hurts to remember bits of it, but I think writing this down means I'm acknowledging that I'm struggling with laziness at work. The truth hurts, yes it does. But I want the truth to set me free. Just like a bitter pill, I must swallow it so it'll be able to work its way through my system and cure whatever it is that causes the problem.

So dear God, help me as I pen my realizations from this morning's case.

First, I am sorry God. I know I made a promise early this year that I'll make it a goal to pursue pleasing You. But that has not been evident in my marketplace, in my working world because for most part, I've been lazy. Instead of starting my work early, I easily fall into chats, into facebooking, into eating. That for most part, I have not been rendering good 8 hours for the last seven years of my working life.

This morning's event made me realize my mistake. It was shameful for me to be caught facebooking very early in the morning by my boss. I know in this office, it's okay to do such, so long as you're delivering the work. But that's the point, I know I can always deliver what is required of me, so I tend to delay things/ reports that are required of me. And when asked to do some more work, I tend to be overly defensive, relaying some false impressions that I've been doing a lot when in fact, I can do more had I finish the work earlier, had I concentrated more in doing my work faithfully. I could've contributed more.

As I was swallowing this bitter pill this morning, I resorted to cleaning my room and was utterly frustrated and angry at myself. I was asking myself: "How can I progress in God's kingdom If I continue to be like this? How can God entrust me more? Why am I like this? Lord, why?"

Then it dawned on me that I've been disconnected in God's will for my working life. I've been totally dependent in my own skill, in my own strength. That this laziness at work is my way of wrestling with God, is my way of rebellion for not giving me the job that I really really wanted. I've been lazy because I'm in this comfort zone I created for myself. I'm in this dead-end, a cul de sac.

 I googled: What does the bible say about laziness?  Surprisingly, the bible has a lot to say, as this site explains.

Today @ Work

Dear Lord,

I entrust you my day. Please enable me to honor you through my work by doing an 8-hour work, by giving my best, by not complaining and by respecting my colleagues and bosses. Help me show love to those who are before me. Help me build meaningful relationships in this office Father. Enable me to not give up on my relationships with the people I already made friends with.

Give me the grace so I can shine beautifully today. Remind me constantly throughout today that my security is in you. Forgive me Father for all the mistakes I've done. Lord I want to be an obedient child of Yours. Please pick me up from here. In Your name, amen.

Needing your grace,
Lai