6th M♥nth

YM and FB Status today:

2 dozens for the 6th. I thank God for roses. I thank God for you! :)

6th month. I can say nothing has changed that much, physically speaking. You are still in Ireland; I am still in the Philippines. To say that we have come so far is quite funny, really, especially that we are in a long distance relationship. :) But we've grown. God knows we've grown. And for that I am thankful. :)

6th month. We became "us". We met halfway in SG. We traveled. We said goodbye again. We made sacrifices. We fought over silly things. We forgave. We rebuked each other. We prayed. We wrote dreams. Some of them came true, some have not.

As in the past monthsaries, I thank God for you mahal. :)

Hillsong's Aftermath Concert!

June 2, 2011 was a dream come true: to be singing my heart out loud for God, to be with fellow Christians, to just cry out in worship, to surrender my life completely, even for one night, even for two good hours, to buy a Hillsong's T-shirts for me and bf. :)

I missed last year's concert and it had been my dream early this year to go this year, no matter what. So I added them on FB, became a fan and waited patiently for the announcement of MANILA Concert!

Struggling with Laziness

I experienced something that I should really really be ashamed of this morning! Gosh, it hurts to remember bits of it, but I think writing this down means I'm acknowledging that I'm struggling with laziness at work. The truth hurts, yes it does. But I want the truth to set me free. Just like a bitter pill, I must swallow it so it'll be able to work its way through my system and cure whatever it is that causes the problem.

So dear God, help me as I pen my realizations from this morning's case.

First, I am sorry God. I know I made a promise early this year that I'll make it a goal to pursue pleasing You. But that has not been evident in my marketplace, in my working world because for most part, I've been lazy. Instead of starting my work early, I easily fall into chats, into facebooking, into eating. That for most part, I have not been rendering good 8 hours for the last seven years of my working life.

This morning's event made me realize my mistake. It was shameful for me to be caught facebooking very early in the morning by my boss. I know in this office, it's okay to do such, so long as you're delivering the work. But that's the point, I know I can always deliver what is required of me, so I tend to delay things/ reports that are required of me. And when asked to do some more work, I tend to be overly defensive, relaying some false impressions that I've been doing a lot when in fact, I can do more had I finish the work earlier, had I concentrated more in doing my work faithfully. I could've contributed more.

As I was swallowing this bitter pill this morning, I resorted to cleaning my room and was utterly frustrated and angry at myself. I was asking myself: "How can I progress in God's kingdom If I continue to be like this? How can God entrust me more? Why am I like this? Lord, why?"

Then it dawned on me that I've been disconnected in God's will for my working life. I've been totally dependent in my own skill, in my own strength. That this laziness at work is my way of wrestling with God, is my way of rebellion for not giving me the job that I really really wanted. I've been lazy because I'm in this comfort zone I created for myself. I'm in this dead-end, a cul de sac.

 I googled: What does the bible say about laziness?  Surprisingly, the bible has a lot to say, as this site explains.

Today @ Work

Dear Lord,

I entrust you my day. Please enable me to honor you through my work by doing an 8-hour work, by giving my best, by not complaining and by respecting my colleagues and bosses. Help me show love to those who are before me. Help me build meaningful relationships in this office Father. Enable me to not give up on my relationships with the people I already made friends with.

Give me the grace so I can shine beautifully today. Remind me constantly throughout today that my security is in you. Forgive me Father for all the mistakes I've done. Lord I want to be an obedient child of Yours. Please pick me up from here. In Your name, amen.

Needing your grace,
Lai

Melancholic Monday

In dire need to pour out thoughts which my heart cannot contain anymore. This is how I cope up with life. Now the bullets:

• I hate Mondays, this Monday in particular. Been working for 8 consecutive days. :(
• I really don't mind being thrown somewhere in the country once a month, it's just that lately...
• I’m having a hard time finding JOY at work... and
• I’m PMS-ing.
• Fatal combination.
• Bf is coping up really well with my mood swings.
• Amazes me big time! (*_*)
• 6,000 miles, 8-hour difference require an awful LOT of work.
• The love risk albeit miscalculated has been worth it so far.
• Of late, I've been asking God for directions in my career.
• Is it time to take a plunge somewhere else?
• Honestly, I DON'T KNOW.
• I'm still nursing a scarred heart from a broken dream.
• Too afraid to leave my Comfort Zone now.
• Clock in and out of familiar four corners.
• Get harassed by deadlines. Meet them.
• And then start all over again.
• Safe zone.
• But there’s this aching part in my heart for the unknown.
• I know I was born for a purpose. I am special. I am unique.
• There are things in this world that only I can do, yields that only I can deliver, fruits that only I can bear.
• Can’t be paralyzed by my mistakes (of which I have a lot).
• And I can’t rest on my successes (of which I have a few).
• For I have a race to run for my Creator.
• I believe there’s no such thing as accident in a Christian life.
• Wherever I am right now is part of His grand plan.
• He just can’t reveal this plan to me yet because I can only take so much.
• In times that I falter and lose hope, I take Jeremiah 29:11 capsule.
• As with life in general...
• I know I have this tendency to dwell on things I don’t have, dreams I haven’t achieved, savings I haven’t earned, places I haven’t gone to.
• I can be a worry freak.
• But God never fails to remind me that He cares more for me than the flowers and the birds.
• I just really need to saturate myself with His amazing grace day by day, minute by minute.
• So that before a difficult day such as this ends...
• I’ll have perfect peace in my heart and an unfeigned smile on my face. :)

"I don't know what the future holds... but I know Who holds my future." (*_*)

3rd M♥nth

Today we are celebrating our third monthsary. Rolando has sent me this: :)

♥ ♥ ♥

To my dearest Rolando,

I cannot begin to tell you how much I love you so maybe I'll just begin this little love letter by thanking the Author of Love for blessing us with this beautiful love story unfolding day by day before our eyes. Thank you Father. :)

Wow! 3 months! Congratulations for surviving three months worth of mood swings, hang ups and hunger strikes?! Hahaha! :) I bet you miss me and my foolish ways. I miss you too! I long for your warm embrace and your mountain-sized encouragement telling me "we can do this." Well... we did! 3 months!!! Thank you dear for breaking my defenses. I can honestly say I'm a more forgiving person now because of you and your love that gives me the power to change bad habits. You are simply the best! I love you.

With all the love in the world,

Lai

Bleh and Blah Days

I don’t know If I’m just PMS-ing or what. But really, there are days like this. Days when I already feel tired as early as 10:00 AM, already contemplating of cutting my work at 11:00 AM to be at home with my messy but oh-so-comfy bedroom, already dreaming of escaping this country at 12:00 PM to be with bf. :)

I miss writing. I really do. Not because I’m actually good at it. No, I’m not. It’s just really therapeutic for someone like me who has a tendency (or sickness?) to be melancholy. I’m actually writing in between work, not that I don’t have much work to do. There’s plenty of it that I don’t have a single right to breath (So sorry Lord, grace please).

Of late, I’ve been asking God for directions. Not that I’m in a crossroads of opportunities. It’s otherwise. The thing is I feel stuck. I so wanted to be in that state again... but in Christian life they say that there are no accidents. I keep reminding myself that wherever I am is in God’s blueprint. I’m only seeing tidbits of His master plan because I'm so shortsighted, not to mention faithless. But really, there are days that are just bleh, bleh as in uneventful, unmeaningful, irrelevant.

I know that in life, there will be days like this. Maybe it’s just up to me to perk up and to decorate this boring day of mine.

Sunset on My Birthday

I turned another year older (2?) last February 19! I thank God for the gift of life and love. I'm still a work in progress, oh how humbling it is to say. I wasn't too happy about my birthday, there were some things I was expecting that didn't happen. In the middle of some drama, God lovingly revealed to me how horrible my heart really was. I was ungrateful, I was focusing too much on superficialities that I was forgetting the true meaning of birthdays.

Thank You God for this sunset on my birthday, your way of redeeming that day for me, your way of telling me You still love me and You're always willing to splash some colors in my life, If I only let You be God in my life. Thank You dear God for cleaning up my heart.  Thank You, more than anything else, for Your relentless and pursuing love. I am in awe.

Having you is enough

I think we are much stronger after this, hopefully I'm right. Sigh. Conflicts. Pastor Peter says for a relationship to grow, a conflict is inevitable. If you don't want to grow, then go and keep avoiding conflicts. I say every conflict is an opportunity to clean up our hearts and our motives. I guess, this is one of the prices we have to pay for signing up to a long distance relationship: the risk of mis-communication, the risk of just avoiding the conflict and not facing it together despite the time difference, despite the thousand-mile distance. By God's abounding grace, the tide is over now. And I can say still that having you alone is enough. :)

2011 Valentine Project

Happy Valentines Day everyone! ♥ ♥ ♥

This is the second year I'm doing this little project but you may not want to actually view this year's; soooo mushy, it'll kill you! Hahaha! Don't say you weren't warned. :) Last year, I did this project in a hopeless romantic state, boyfriendless but hopeful that this year's would be better. I guessed I got what I wished and prayed for, thanks to the Author of Love. We may not be together physically, but I know time will come that we will be holding hands on a Valentines day, in one time zone, in one place.

So for you single ladies out there, keep wishing but most importantly, keep praying for God's best for you. He honors the desires of our hearts and if that desire of yours is aligned in His will, He will lead that man to you and you'll have nothing to do but be surprised and be in awe as love unfolds right in front of you. In whatever relationship status you are in right now, keep striving for love. 

Loads of love, Lai. :-)