Fears for all things new

Here I am at lunch break in an unfamiliar concrete jungle. You zoom in and you see me in my cube typing away words that have been running my mind since Day 1, the day when I took the plunge in my new job, my so-called leap of faith a month ago.

Today is the end of my second week and yet, I still find myself getting overwhelmed with all the jargons and acronyms I see everywhere, and worst, have to get used to or memorize. I feel dumb most of the day for navigating a system that is completely alien to me. I get shy with new voices and faces. I was born introvert and I haven’t figured out how to be Ms. Extro without looking like an idiot or a phony or both. I smile alright then stay silent.

It’s quite hard describing a new phase of life or in my case, a new job. If this is called growing up a.k.a. leaving your comfort zone, then I must deal bravely with my fears for all things new:  workstation, local number, accounting system, company jargons and the hardest, always the hardest---new faces, new bosses.

I hate to say this but I've been feeling so alone for most of the 8 hours in the past two weeks. But even so, I don't want to grumble. In the first place, I asked this job from God and He allowed for things to happen. Yesterday, I lead the devotional in my bible study group about God's Immensity. I know He is miraculously BIG and I just have to keep on trusting and putting my security in Him, not on anything, not even on this job. I know that I should just cast and surrender all my fears to my BIG BIG GOD who owns the universe and who, by His perfect will, can realign everything to give me help and grace that I need. My BIG GOD is bigger than my fears, surely! :)

Now, I shall go back to work.