Entourage Complete!

Today I just knew I needed to finalized our entourage. It will be March soon and I need to move forward. Gosh! *cramming talaga eto!

One time when I was browsing the internet, there's this "Would you be my bridesmaid?" invitation that caught my eye. I told myself I would do something like that for my girl entourage. :) Well, I'll only get married once so I'm really making sure each aspect has a special touch! :)

So here goes the DIY invitation I made using Paint! Drawn by a kindergarten? Rrrrriiiiight! Hahaha! The whole album is posted here:

While drawing in Paint, my two beautiful nieces were my critics. They made comments like, "Ay Tita Lai ang panget ng buhok nyan!" "Ay Tita, bakit skyblue?" (referring to a very light purple I originally used for Luan's dress) and the most hilarious one, "Ay Tita di ka marunong mag-drawing ng paa?" Lol!

I remember two decades ago when I was in my ugly duckling elementary state, I used to have a collection of paper dolls complete with wardrobe for all occasions. Every recess, I would open my book where the dolls were safely and neatly hidden and start dressing up my paper dolls! I'd match each dress with shoes, bags and If I get creative enough, I'd even make a headband or sunglasses for my dolls! Oh the memories!

Going back to the present world, who would've thought that someday, I'll have a bunch of beautiful girls who will stand by me as I pledge my self to the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? My heart is soaring with gratitude to God for these wonderful girls who've been with me in this life journey. :)

For the complete list of entourage, just wait for the launching of our wedsite. :)

Heart Check

It's lunchtime. I'm munching and writing at the same time, hoping I could get some extra baggage in my heart out to words, out to this post. My birthday was three days ago and I still haven't completed a proper birthday post. :( I've been disorganized lately and I think it's time for a heart check.

I'm hurting, yes I am. I can't pinpoint exactly why but I guess it boils down to relationship issues and wrong self perceptions. When I say, relationship issues, I don't mean my relationship with fiance. So far, it's the only thing that's going well in my life and I'm not saying this for my own credit. The credit goes to God for enabling us to work this through despite the distance. It's by His grace alone. 

So, relationship issues. In my own honest assessment, I have not been a loving person lately as what my Savior would like me to be. I've been selfish and I'm hurting because I realized that I have not been receiving love because I'm not giving it. I've been so pre-occupied with work and wedding preps that I failed to be present to the people around me.  It is also because I'm wrestling with God's command to love despite and inspite of. It's me being disobedient that causes me this pain.

Another is my wrong self perceptions. I realized lately that I'm finding it hard to ask forgiveness of my own sins from God because I, myself, don't forgive easily when others offended me. My human tendency is to make tampo, or worst, to make revenge. That's the ugly side of me. Truth be told, that I am as ugly as this.

Also, I learned lately that what I perceive of myself is not what others perceive of me. I was surprised to know that people don't think of me as shy, when I thought I could die from being shy. Someone even thinks I have a strong personality, which to me is a big surprise because I never  ever think of myself as strong. There's also this leadership issues at work that I'm finding it hard to digest and to practice. Maybe, I just have to admit, humbly, that I have a lot to learn on being a leader. It goes without saying that, I have to be trained, that I have to make adjustments and learn to listen to criticisms.

In the end, I know it's about time to change heart, to pray more for God's power to change me. I certainly want to reach point B, to be a confident, clear leader. I certainly want to be a more loving, forgiving and caring person. I want to touch lives, I want to make a difference. Something in me says I can't do it and that it's easier to stay lax in relationships and be passive about improvements. But a much bigger side says I can do it and I want to do it because I want to be worthy of what God has given me.

Dear Lord, there might be something else that causing me this subtle pain in my heart. I pray Lord that you will speak to me. I want to learn from you Jesus. Forgive me for the hurts I caused to the people closest to me, forgive me for not acting on love, for being selfish, for being self-centered. Forgive me Lord, for not giving my best at work, for not being a good leader. Train me, Father God. Mold me, change me, remake me. This I pray. 

Surprise-filled Birthday!

Surprise! Surprise! I received this awesome greetings from all over the world---Singapore, USA (New York, L.A & Missouri), Greece, UAE, Malaysia, Australia, British Virgin Island, Bermuda, Jersey, Gibraltar and PH (Tagum, QC).

I was overwhelmed with joy when fiance told me about this, exactly at 12 AM of my birthday! He said he had been in contact with friends since December 2011 behind my back! Hahaha! The reason, at one time, he couldn't allow me to read his messages in FB. He just asked me to trust him so I knew he was up to something. I already received this cutest Instax so I wasn't anymore expecting for anything. But my man knows how to surprise me! I love you fiance! So much!

As I turn 30 (yikess! hahah!), I can say I am a much grateful person. I'm grateful for life and love. Most importantly, I'm grateful for knowing I have a God who is in control of my life and I literally have nothing to worry. He has given me the desires of my heart. Truth be told, I'm still far from being the woman God wants me to be, I have dreams that are yet to come true. But as I learned to grow in my walk with God, I know that everything happens for my good. So bring it on dear 3-0! Let's rroooolll!!! :-)

Instax and Instant Photos!

Yay!!!! I received this uber awesome birthday gift today:

I think there's something magical with having your photo taken and printed, minute apart, no downloading to pc, no post-processing. In an instant, there's your photo, right exactly to where it was taken! Galing diba? I'm an old soul, really. Whereas everybody wants digital, I find myself wanting to go back to Polaroid a.k.a. film days! But since Polaroid is hard to come by, not to mention expensive, Instax is a very good alternative! It's so cute pa, diba? :)

I've been dreaming of Instax for two years. Now, it has come true thanks to ehem... my fiance for granting another photography wish! He already gave me a Lightroom in December, much to my surprise! :) Lando is really matipid but he never minds splurging for me. That's why I take care of everything he gives me, small or big, for they magnify the love he has for me. He always finds a way to make my smallest dream come true. For that, I couldn't be more thankful. :)

A happy happy birthday to me! 

2012 Valentine Project

This Valentine Project is something I've always looked forward to since I got hooked to photography two years ago. Now on my third year, I feel nostalgic remembering the past years of waiting, hoping and praying for love, and eventually finding it.

You see, when I started this Valentine Project in 2010, I was single and not ready to mingle. The second year (2011) I was in a relationship. Now on my third year (2012), I'm engaged! Next year (2013), I'll be married! :) Somehow, this Valentine Project represents my faith in love and the One Who Authors it.

Back to being single in 2010, I never lost hope that God would give me that person whom I can grow with in faith. Coming from a relationship that was headed nowhere, I knew better. This time, I wouldn't settle for "someone who was just there" a.k.a. "pwede na." This time, I had requirements: I wanted God's best. Although friends around me started getting married one by one, I stayed calm. Truth be told, there were moments that I would cry out to God but it wasn't out of desperation or panic, but out of a desire to be pursued, to be chased, to be loved by a fellow Christian. I prayed relentlessly and waited patiently. I also acknowledged the fact that I, myself, needed a lot of growing up. I strove to become a better version of me.

To make the long story short, towards the end of 2010, God finally answered my prayer in the most surprising way. The man he gave me to love was just right there all along, a few feet away from me for five long years! We got engaged in September 2011 and now, the wedding preps are on-going. By God's awesome grace, we'll be sealing our love story in marriage in June 2012. :)

Here's the preview to 2012 Valentine Project, posted in full here. A Happy Valentines to all! ♥♥♥

My 2012 Calendar

Had fun making this today featuring my 2011 trip to Ireland. It's a lovely country where I took loads of photos that are calendar worthy, I think. :) By putting them in print, I can relive the memories just by looking at them, month after month. Hope I can do this again in the next coming years.

10 PM Reminder

There was a period of months last year when I started praying at the same time, everyday. There were days when I'd fail, but I'd try again. This habit was shared to bf and we both tried, succeeded, failed and then tried again. Originally, it wasn't 10 PM. We kept adjusting because our time difference was also adjusting from 8 hours to 7 hours (the proverbial time saving thing), until we fixed it to:10 PM Philippine timezone = 2 or 3 PM Ireland timezone. We would drop whatever we were doing and would pray. Then we would send each other YM messages that we were done praying or he would call and tell me he was done praying.

I can't remember the time or month when we stopped praying together. I just remember that back then, we prayed for the silliest, smallest desires to the grandest of dreams that only the two of us knew about. I can also remember and testify to the truth that God answers prayers, because He did, He actually did answer so many desires of our hearts. 

We prayed for a new job for me. We prayed that my visa would be granted so I could visit him to Ireland. We prayed for his job regularization. We prayed for transformation. We prayed for financial provisions, for good health. All these and more, God granted lovingly to us.

Lately, I had not been praying well and regularly. I would have slept on tonight and just forget about the stress of yet another wedding venue hunting day if not for the 10 PM alarm in my cellphone. I've been missing the presence of God in my life lately because I was too busy and too exhausted with all the big changes in my life that I felt like a twig of wood being drift away. I was too full of myself to even acknowledge that God is just nearby waiting for me to draw closer to Him, so He could draw closer to me. 

The truth is God is whispering to me tonight. When I opened John Ortberg's books, it has this message in it:

Choose Jesus. When I read that, I knew I had to drop on my knees and pray and just lay down my concerns to God. 

Dear God, thank you for reminding me to pray and to talk to You like a good old friend. I miss you so much God. Thank you for putting this vacuum hole size in my heart that only You can fill. Thank You Lord for never giving up on me, for never getting tired of whispering to me that You are just there. 

Countdown to the Big Three Zero

You get it right? If not, then you'll find out soon. :) I haven't caught up with my writing backlogs, (I do have a lot of wonderful things to write about) and I've been feeling the proverbial wedding jitters more prominently as January 2012 unfolds. Top that with added responsibilities at work and the search for my urban jungle I'd be calling home for 6 months. That's what my first three weeks of January had been. BUT, I wouldn't pass this chance to countdown the Big Three Zero that's coming my way. God has been great, I often find myself mystified by His grace and love. My way in paying things forward is to write about His goodness in my life. I will never know, someone somewhere is driving in the same road that I am in. :)

2012 Goals

I'll just interrupt my 30 Awesome Things challenge to give way to this traditional new year post. I know, it's been two weeks past 2012, but I've been super busy the past two weeks with fiance and I visiting possible wedding venues, sorting paper works, meeting people here and there, and some big changes at work.

I had to postpone blogging and just enjoyed the moments that we were together. :)

***

Hello 2012! I'm so excited about you and with all your infinite possibilities! Don't you just love the freshness and the second chances a new year brings? I very much do. 2011 has been the best year of my life, but 2012 could be the best of the best! Yes, with God, everything is possible and what you think as "best for your life" is nothing compared to the "best for your life in God's grand master plan." 

My goals for this year consist 

1. Pursue Intimacy with God - this goal is aligned with our church's goal for 2012 (2011 goal was to pursue pleasing God). I know I have a lot to improve on my quiet/prayer time and attendance to Sunday service and Discipleship Group. I'll take it one baby step at a time. A Christian friend advised me to step up and show how God changes the way I handle my relationships, finances and faith. A huge and very difficult challenge for a toddler Christian like me. But I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength, right? :)
2. Prioritize relationships - first with God, then with fiance, family, friends and co-workers. God's first commandment is the word "love", it centers on relationship, not on money, not on tasks, not on ambition. Loving someone the way Jesus did means doing inconvenient things, forgetting oneself, forgiving and asking forgiveness though every inch of me will protest in doing so. It's not being phony, it's being obedient, God will supply the right feelings afterwards. So dear God, help me on this. :)
3. Prepare joyfully for our Wedding - "joyfully" being the operative word. To prepare, I can handle but how I do it matters big time. I confess I have the tendency to be obsessed and get worried with the tiniest of details, being the artsy crafty OC me. But really, mishaps will happen. Life, in general is like that. Enjoy the journey, not the destination, as they say. So I'll enjoy the wedding preps because I'll pass this way only once. :)
4. Write about my life/faith journey and my wedding preparations - That goes to say I will write more and reflect more. I'll get to be a bride only once, and I'm sure, my whole wedding preps saga might be of help to some future brides out there. :)
5. Sleep early, wake up early - Goal is to gain a healthier me on the big day. Plus of course, prevent tardiness. This is hitting two birds in one stone. :) 
6. Work 8 hours a day - Workplace is a ministry and to set a good example is to give my best and work  the hours I'm paid for. Good thing, all social networking sites are blocked in my office, so hurray! If I'm productive at work, I'll surely have the nights for prayer and writing.
7. Learn to drive - 

My 2011 :)

The clock is ticking closer and closer to 2012. As in two previous years, I want to take some time to write a traditional year end post. I started this two years ago (2009 and 2010) and it seemed only appropriate to do this again. After all, God has showered me with so many unexpected and undeserved blessings that the least way I can do is to write about them with a hope that someone out there will be encouraged. :)

Year 2011 is definitely a year of so many answered prayers! I wouldn't be able to count the moments and the days this year when God provided for every needs and desire.

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